An Amazing American Discovery
by karly05
Summary: It's snack time for Ferb Fletcher and his new best friend, Phineas Flynn, and the itty Brit is about to find out what makes America great. Silly fun inspired by gags in a couple of episodes.


**A/N – Silly fun with Itty Ferb and Tiny Phineas, inspired by bits in "Undercover Carl" and "Steampunx." Dan and Swampy own the characters – and what I now consider a running gag.**

An Amazing American Discovery

Ferb Fletcher was having a very good day. Maybe the best day he'd had since moving to America. He was spending it with his new friend, the best friend he had ever had, anywhere – Phineas Flynn. Phineas was younger and smaller than Ferb, with bright red hair and a big, pointy nose like a triangle. He was very, very clever, and curious about everything, just like Ferb. Well, Ferb wouldn't have put the two _verys_ in front of his own cleverness – all right, maybe just one – but the point was, he and Phineas both liked thinking and exploring and making things. Phineas had understood him right from the start, even though Ferb didn't talk much. Ferb didn't need to talk much. Phineas talked enough for the both of them.

Best friend ever.

Ferb's dad liked Phineas's mum very much, Ferb could tell. And Phineas's mum smiled and laughed a lot around Dad, in a giggly, teasing way that made Ferb think she must very much like him back. Even at four, Ferb knew that the next step after Liking Very Much was Being In Love, and when two people were In Love, they generally ended up Getting Married. It would be nice, thought Ferb, if his dad and Phineas's mum got married someday. They could be a family together. And then Phineas would be his brother.

The best brother ever.

They had been in Phineas's backyard for a while, playing with Ferb's new football. _Soccer_ ball, Phineas called it, because the Americans had some other weird-shaped thing they called a football. Ferb showed Phineas how he could bounce the ball with his feet and knees and head without using his hands, and Phineas thought this was brilliant. They ran and kicked and bounced the ball back and forth. Phineas liked bouncing the ball off his head and laughed every time he did it, until his eyes began to look dizzy and he fell onto the grass, still laughing. "Okay, Ferb, I better stop! Whoo! That was great! Can you teach me to play soccer for real? We could have a team and play together. You could teach us all."

Ferb nodded. It would be nice to play football on a real team. He sat down next to Phineas and stretched out on his back, hands behind his head. The ginger boy was pointing at the sky.

"Look at that cloud, Ferb. It looks like a lion. And that one looks like a horse. And there's a race car. And a jet plane."

Ferb could make out the lion and the horse and the car, but he couldn't see a jet-shaped cloud anywhere. He sat up and squinted and frowned.

Phineas understood. "No, not a cloud, it's a real plane. See it? Way up high! I wonder where it's going."

Now that he knew what to look for, Ferb spotted the tiny, tiny plane flying high in the sky. Maybe it was going to London. Not that many weeks ago, Ferb would have wanted to be on that plane, but now he thought he'd rather stay right where he was.

"Do you think it's going to the moon?" said Phineas.

Ferb shook his head, no. The moon was too far away to reach in a plane.

"Yeah, I guess not," Phineas gave a disappointed sigh. "You have to have a rocket ship to go to the moon. Do you know how to build a rocket ship, Ferb?"

No. Not yet. But he supposed he could learn how someday. For now, he just shrugged.

"Yeah, I guess it would take a long time to build a rocket ship. Probably a whole day." Phineas rolled over onto his stomach and propped himself on his elbows. "Hey, look, a caterpillar!" Then all at once, the little boy raised his head and asked, "What did you say, Ferb?"

Ferb hadn't said a word. But a loud growl had come from somewhere around his midsection. As Phineas sat up, another growl came from the same spot.

Phineas laughed. "Your tummy's talking! Mine does that, too. It means I'm hungry. Are you hungry, Ferb?"

The green head nodded.

"Me, too." Phineas jumped up on his feet. "Let's go ask Mom for a snack."

"How about some cheese and crackers?" she offered the boys when they came inside and found her.

"Yeah!" Phineas exclaimed happily, and Ferb seconded this with a thumbs-up. Luckily, he had been in America long enough to have learned that crackers meant biscuits, not colorful Christmas favors, and biscuits meant puffy pillows of bread that were a sort of American cousin to scones. Mrs. Flynn opened the cupboard and took down a box of biscuits – crackers – thin, flat, crunchy things and a slim, shiny, orange metal can.

"Can I do it?" Phineas jumped up and down, reaching for the snacks. "I can do it!"

"All right," his mother laughed. "Take those to the table. Here, use some plates," she got these down, as well, and handed them to Ferb. "I'll be upstairs folding laundry. You boys holler if you need anything. And don't forget to clean up after yourselves."

"We will, Mom. Thanks!"

"Yes, thank you," Ferb actually spoke up this time, and the woman smiled at him. Ferb thought she had a nice smile.

"Come on, Ferb," Phineas set the box and can on the table and scrambled up into a chair. "Let's make a race car." He opened the box of crackers. They were all different shapes, and he began sorting through the squares and circles and triangles. Ferb picked up an oval and tasted it. Not bad. But, wasn't there supposed to be some cheese involved? Phineas had two squares and a triangle on his plate and now he picked up the metal can in both hands. He shook it as hard as he could then took off the plastic cap. There was a white spouty sprayer thing sticking up on the top, and when Phineas turned the can upsidedown and pushed the sprayer to one side, a stream of orange goo came out. Phineas squirted the orange stuff on the bottom of a round cracker and stuck it on top of one corner of a square cracker. "That's the back wheel," he explained. "I think I need another square one, Ferb, what do you think?"

Ferb didn't answer, not even a nod or thumbs up. Phineas had set down the can of orange goo and Ferb was reading the words printed on it. _Eezy Cheezy_. Didn't Americans know how to spell _anything_ properly? He picked up another cracker, which just happened to be square, and before he could reach for the can, Phineas took the cracker from him. "That's great. Thanks, Ferb."

With a little sigh, Ferb picked out a star-shaped cracker and squirted a blot of orange goo onto it. As soon as he set down the can, Phineas took it back and began carefully splurting the Eezy Cheezy on his precisely arranged crackers. Watching him, Ferb popped the star-shaped cracker into his mouth.

_Oh, my goodness_. The smooth, creamy _Cheezy-ness_ of the orange goo was like nothing he had ever tasted. Well, it was a little like cheese. But it was slick on his tongue and melted in his mouth and was altogether _Cheezy-er_ than any properly spelled cheese he knew. Ferb wanted more of that golden nectar. But Phineas was using it to stick his crackers together in the general outline of a long, pointy-nosed car.

"Here, Ferb," he said, squirting a ragged "F" on the side of the car. "This one is yours." He slid the first plate over and started sorting crackers onto the other plate.

Ferb graciously accepted the gift, but as soon as Phineas let go of the can again, it was in Ferb's hands. The car needed stripes. And hubcaps. And a windshield wouldn't do it any harm. Then, before he had the race car even half smothered in Eezy Cheezy, Ferb had a brilliant idea. Why was he even bothering with the crackers? Why didn't he just…?

He tipped the can up and pushed the sprayer, and a stream of golden goo went straight into his mouth. It piled up on his tongue and he savored it for a few seconds before he let it glide down his throat. _Heaven_. Phineas was feeling around for the can, and with just a little hesitation, Ferb passed it back to him. There was still plenty of Eezy Cheezy to lick off of his own crackers while he watched Phineas work, and he did this. He ate the crackers, too, but separate from the spray cheese. And every time Phineas put down the can, Ferb picked it up and squirted another billowing golden cloud into his mouth. It was a little difficult to press the sprayer and aim properly, especially since he couldn't see very well with his nose in the way, but he hit the target more often than he missed it. At least, so he thought, until a loud squeal came from the doorway.

"What are you doing?" demanded Phineas's big sister, Candace.

"Having a snack," said Phineas innocently.

"Not you, _him!_" She pointed straight at Ferb.

Phineas finally turned to look at him, and burst out laughing. "Ferb! You have a cheese mustache!"

"And a cheese beard!" Candace added in a disgusted voice.

Ferb put a hand to his chin. She was right. Apparently his aim had been worse than he thought.

"You look funny!" Phineas was laughing. "I want a cheese beard, too!"

"Oh, no, you don't!" Candace scowled. "You two are so busted! I'm telling Mom! _Mo-om!_" she ran upstairs.

Phineas had the Eezy Cheezy can in his hands and fired it in the direction of his face. It just spluttered and spat a few tiny orange dots under his mouth. "I guess we're out," he observed. "Well, we still have plenty of crackers."

Phineas began devouring his own race car, while Ferb took a square cracker from the box and went to work shaving – and eating – his cheese whiskers. In less than a minute they were finished and took their plates and the box and the empty can to the counter. Phineas climbed his step stool to reach the sink and helped Ferb up beside him, and the two of them washed their hands and faces. Then they took two wet and four dry paper towels and wiped off the kitchen table.

"Hi, boys," Phineas's mum came into the kitchen. "How was snack time?"

"But- but- but-" said Candace, right beside her.

"Great!" said Phineas. "I made two cracker race cars and Ferb ate a whole can of spray cheese."

"Wow, you boys really were hungry," Mrs. Flynn smiled a smile that made Ferb think she didn't really believe this. "And you did a great job of cleaning up. I'm really proud of you."

"Uuugggghhhhh," growled Candace.

"Honey," said her mother, "why don't I get you a granola bar and some juice. Sounds like you could use a snack."

Ferb followed Phineas back out to the yard and they both flopped down in the grass under the big tree. Phineas was talking about race cars, and how he wanted to drive one someday, but Ferb was hardly listening. All he could think of was the soft, creamy, golden goodness of cheese that came out of a spray can.

The Americans really were brilliant.

THE END

**A/N – The set-up was Ferb eating the trail of spray cheese during the "When You Levitate" song from "Undercover Carl," and the payoff was his comment in "Steampunx" about looking forward to "cheese that comes in aerosol cans." As far as I'm concerned, "Ferb loves Spray Cheese" is now an official running gag.**

**I had so much fun writing for these two, I started and the story just took off and ran. I know Phineas is probably over-articulate for his age, but I figured he's so talkative, he was probably ahead of the curve in that regard.**


End file.
